Discussing safe sex with your partner is one of the best things you can do for your sexual health. Planning ahead dramatically increases your likelihood of practicing safe sex, which will reduce your risk of STDs and unplanned pregnancy. So, taking the time to make a plan with your partner can go a long way toward having a healthier sex life. 

With that said, it’s also totally normal to feel nervous about bringing up the idea of using things like condoms and birth control. But if you’re feeling nervous about openly discussing safe sex with your partner, we’re here to help. These 5 tips will help you get the conversation started, and help you have a more positive and productive discussion. 

Tip #1: Pick a Good Time 

A key part of having a productive conversation about safe sex practices is choosing a good time for the conversation. Try to avoid waiting until right before having sex to have this conversation. That can get awkward–and you might end up realizing that you don’t have the right kind of protection with you. 

Ideally, you want to bring up safe sex practices long before you first have sex. This will give you more time to listen to each other and have the most protected sex possible. Things like getting tested and getting the right type of contraceptive can take time, so don’t be afraid to have this conversation early. 

Tip #2: Use Positive Language  

Using positive language can help you have a more positive conversation. For example, you could start the discussion by saying you want to discuss safe sex because you care about your partner and want both of you to be safe. You could also tell your partner that using protection will make sex more enjoyable because you won’t be worrying about STDs or unintended pregnancy while being intimate.

Additionally, it’s a good idea to stick to “i” statements, rather than “you” statements. For instance, saying “I want us both to be safe,” rather than “you need to do this for us to be safe.” Sticking to “i” language will help you express your feelings and needs in a more positive way. 

Try to avoid going into the conversation with negative preconceived notions about your sexual partner’s opinions on safe sex practices. For example, don’t assume they don’t like using condoms. Most people use condoms and research shows that using them can actually increase feelings of safety and emotional connection, and help create more pleasurable experiences overall. 

Tip #3: Be Clear and Direct  

When discussing safe sex, be clear and direct about things you want. For example, you could tell your partner that you always want to use protection when having sex, so you simply don’t have sex without protection. Being clear and direct will ensure you’re on the same page.

Tip #4: Talk and Listen 

Remember to talk and listen when discussing safe sex with your sexual partner. Be open to learning more about your partner’s wants, past experiences, sexual history, and point of view. Listen, ask questions, and avoid being judgemental. 

Tip #5: Discuss Practical Details  

Don’t forget to talk about the practical details of protection during your conversation. Get specific about things like internal condoms, external condoms, lubricants, and hormonal birth control. What methods will you use and how will you get them? When will you get them and who will be paying? Planning out these kinds of practical details will set you up for success. Consider discussing the option of customized condoms to make the experience more personal and suited to your needs.

Final Thoughts 

Open, honest communication is a vital part of a healthy relationship. Whether you’re communicating about sexual intimacy or your plans for your future together, talking things out with your partner is always a good idea.